you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize