I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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