If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize