I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
