If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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