i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
