At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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