listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
false alarm. still invincible.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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