He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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