If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
