Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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