I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize