Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
