I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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