I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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