I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
