peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
