Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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