am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
