OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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