So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
