I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
