3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
