I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
