I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
