420 ftw
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
