It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
