guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
