Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
