office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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