So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
