I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
