Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
