these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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