I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
