Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
