Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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