You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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