If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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