i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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