That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
