he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
