Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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