I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
