I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
