I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
operation harelip BJ is a go
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
