we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
