Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
