Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
