Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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