Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
