i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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