Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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