I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
