i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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