just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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