I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
