Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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