So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
