How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
