I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
