I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize