Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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