Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
