just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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