my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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