So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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