google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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