I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
