bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
