just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
