You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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