Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
