Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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